Look around you. If you are reading this text, it means you are fortunate enough to have an electronic device that allows you to access all the information in the world. If you are able to afford it, I can bet that you are able to afford to have food on your table and roof above your head. But yet, I am sure, you have reasons to not be content with your life.
Each of us is affected differently by different events. For some, a minor issue at work can be traumatic, and for others, a horrible abuse will not cause any lasting effect on their wellbeing. We have different thresholds of sensitivity to things. It depends on a million factors and this is normal. However, I also can bet that those who place their threshold much higher are in general more content with their life.
Life is a series of problems. A wise man once said: “Most days are bad; the good days are the ones that you should not take for granted”. So, expecting that nothing around you will change and you won’t have to face another issue again is quite naïve to say the least. The earlier in life you understand that there is nothing permanent, the happier your life will be. But we always tend to forget, we always cling to the way things are at any given moment and it makes us unhappy when something changes. This is also temporary.
There is a concept in psychology that is called hedonic adaptation. It means that you always return to the base level of happiness after major events happen in your life, whether those are positive or negative changes. When you start earning more money, your expectations for life grow in parallel with your income, so the contentment with the current situation at any given moment is very brief. In no time your perception of reality comes back to the base line and you start aspiring for something else, what you have is not good enough anymore to make you happy. It is good, because it makes us move forward, but most times it becomes a reason to be miserable. Same is true all the way around – when you live through a major crisis for a long period of time, very quickly this situation becomes normal and your psyche sets back to the level of contentment from before the events occurred. In this case, this adaptation plays the protective role, so you can adapt to hardship.
When we live in a world where most things that were luxury for our grandparents became necessities for us, it is easy to lose the connection to objective reality. Now that we are experiencing the event that will have a long lasting effect on many people’s lives, many of us are facing for the first time the notion of death and the notion of possibility to lose everything. It is frightening for many, but I actually believe it is a good thing. It should happen more often.
Even though this claim will cause rejection and anxiety in most people, if you get through the first visceral reaction and give it a second thought - it becomes very liberating. The sooner you make peace with the impermanence of all things, the better your life will be. Think of all the decisions you didn’t make and all the opportunities you didn’t take because you thought you would have a second chance. Very often, there is no second chance. Very often, when someone we love passes away, we regret not giving this person enough attention. Very often, we do not value what we have until it is taken from us. Very often, we skip through life like annoying TV channels without understanding – this moment will never repeat itself. Until it is too late.
We all know how we will end up. Death is the only thing that is guaranteed in life, and yet we escape any mention of it and shy away from discussing uncomfortable matters. The more you escape, the harder it will hit when it finally comes. In fact, death is your most valuable teacher. Its constant presence in your thoughts is the ultimate antidote for hedonic adaptation.
Every day I meditate on death, my own and my loved ones. Since I started doing it for the first time, I value every moment of my life differently. It sounds gloomy for many, but here is a practical suggestion to you: try to imagine in detail right now that you will not see your spouse ever again. Trust me next time you see this person you will not be distracted by your phone. I made it a habit – every day before breakfast I imagine that today I will lose everything I have and everyone I know. In Stoicism this practice is called negative visualization. It is very easy to do it right now – how many of you took for granted your morning commute to the local coffee shop for a cup of coffee, or whatever is your regular morning routine that you enjoyed? Imagine how tasty this first meal at your favorite restaurant will be. How stoked you will be to finally be able to do it all again! If you don’t remind yourself how it feels not to be able to do it, in no time, you will start taking it for granted. Small things in life can be a source of infinite joy when you are grateful for them. Valuing your loved ones for their existence, and always having in mind that they are not here forever, will make you profoundly happy every second you spend with them.
When you truly understand the impermanent nature of all things and recognize it on a daily basis, you will start valuing what you have and what you experience in a different way. Every time I wake up I am reminding myself of how lucky I am to be alive and breathing, to be able to feel and touch, be with my loved people, eat great food and have a body that can move and feel. I know that one day it will all come to an end, but it doesn’t make me feel crooked about it, on the contrary – it makes my life worth living and makes me value every moment of it just like what it deserves.